Apology is a small/huge tool of positive & strategic thinking that can perform miracles to avert and solve conflicts. When applied correctly, apology yields many mental and emotional dividends that are particularly important in a high-strung, professional environment.

Apology is a trust builder that has the power to soften matters, make things reasonable and allow for the process of reconciliation to take place. In other words, the ability to deliver an apology and the ability to receive it (Which is equally important!) imports humility to the inter-dealing between people.

Humility can be defined as the ability to be at small while allowing greatness (be it people or circumstance) to express itself in full.

Real leaders have humility in which, one of its expressions is to apologize when they make mistakes.

Apology needs to be real to have an impact!  I love stories, as they can tell the tale simply and quickly without too much explanation. The following story fits here:

A young abbot gets admitted to the monastery where silence is practiced, except during lunch time when they can tell jokes. However the joke session is of a particular nature - jokes are told in numbers - so at lunch time the senior abbot, brother Joseph stands up, everyone goes quiet and he exclaims # 34 - the laughter at the dining room is heard far, far away, they are holding their stomachs, rolling in the isles. Next, Brother John stands up and declares # 21. Same thing happens, the laughter is extraordinary. The young abbot, who really wants to be part of the affair, decides to tell a joke. He musters his courage, stands up, all are quiet, and he exclaims jubilantly #83!!! No one reacts, no laughter, nothing! Embarrassed, the young abbot sits down, confused why such a funny joke got no laughs. Eventually, he decided to ask the abbot sitting next to him why no one laughed. “Nothing is wrong with the joke” replied the man… “It is the way you told it”.

Obviously, the morale of the story is that words are only the content and need the form (body language and tone) to carry the full meaning, otherwise they come across empty.

Just to say I am sorry (although, today that in itself is a success) is not enough. Apology has to carry the feeling that belongs, the substance of what was done wrong, what will change from this point on and a guarantee to try not to repeat foolish behavior. Otherwise, apology is meaningless, a general statement of “sorrow” in an attempt to get out of trouble without real intention of guaranteeing a better level of behavior in the future.

Meaningful apology can rewrite the wrong, offer a fresh start and clean slate between people. Thus, its power is to instantly sort potential conflicts and provide for new start hope. As we all know, no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, especially in these times when so much happens so quickly.

For apology to be meaningful it needs to satisfy the following 5 requirements:

• It needs to be sincere
• It needs to be specific what it is for, not general
• It needs to inform what is intended from now on and what steps will be taken
• When a person receives a genuine apology they need to learn to accept it and to acknowledge the fact of the point being clear
• Once an apology is made and accepted both parties need to be “big” enough to let it go and never use it against each other- when it’s done it’s done!

Finally, I would convey to you that the ability to apologize is an extremely important leadership ingredient that builds trust between team members and goes far in making a professional environment friendly and effective.

Eli Harari
The Thinking Coach